Thursday, November 19, 2015

Friday, November 13th, 2015

It was like any other day except this was the end of a week, and the weekend was just a few more hours away! Going into work, to do the usual mundane office stuff that is never very exciting, and yet I was still ready to take on the day. Addressing any issues that may arise. Assisting the Listing Coordinator, Management concerns regarding maintenance usually, and helping with Agent needs, etc. Being present, always aware of what was going on. It was a part of my job. It's funny because I had met with a friend for Brunch on October 24th, three weeks ago. We talked about so much. I was able to vent about certain things that I needed to talk about, and keep in mind, I only have a little group of people I can truly connect with and talk to. Well, he reminded me of some things considering how far I've come and how far I still need to go and encouraged me to do other things on the side, doing what I really enjoy. I basically came home that Saturday and felt, refreshed. Grateful I had a job, remembering that this was just temporary until I got to my true destination of where I was supposed to be in the end, and reminding myself it was a priveledge just to be able to wake up knowing I had a job to go into every day. I decided I would look for a part time job Hostessing on the weekends and this would be my "fun" job. Although, there was something deep inside of me that was still soul searching. I worked for a real estate company known around the globe who in Atlanta offered competitive pay and company paid health insurance. According to people & society, I really had the perfect job. I mean, in this day and age so many would give anything to have the office job that's a nine to five with weekends off, going in the right direction towards a career. Me? I wasn't overly impressed with the working environment. Beautiful office mind you, yet still feeling very restless and not happy with even the co-workers I had to work with. I just knew in my gut that this was NOT for me in the long run. To have to wake up bright & early, and come into a place to do mindless work, with such high expectations, I really was starting to feel dumb and unproductive. What I did wasn't stimulating enough. I wasn't absorbing and learning great things. This is a company that may as well be Corporate America, there were people I had to be careful with what I talked about, had to tip toe around certain topics. It was hard for me to swallow most days, a very stagnant work environment to say the least. I knew I was much smarter than the tasks that needed to be executed throughout the week but there were days when I was confused about certain procedures, and the level of comfort to go to my peers was not there. It just wasn't. Communication was the worst I've ever experienced, and the Boss always stressed "team work" but that really wasn't there either. Everything was aloof and just awkward, always. I truly believe that although the company I worked for had certain expectations of me, I had certain expectations of them as a whole. Obviously, this was never delivered. I critiqued a lot of what was going on around me and in my mind, I was honestly disappointed in this so called "amazing company." I started having those thoughts of regret from leaving my previous employer. I may not have been in love with what I did but I still had bills to pay. After losing my job on Friday and coming home to my typical evening routine of turning on the T.V. and letting my dog out. I came inside to watch the BREAKING NEWS about the attacks in Paris. I immediately sat down, thought, reflected, and was just grateful to be in the peace of my own home. Glad I was alive. What a crazy day! I've never been one to be suspicious of Friday, the 13th but I am officially now considering how the day unfolded. Life is strange, I've become so numb to the losses in my life that I look at it as another step closer to doing what I truly love the most. I mean you can only "fake it 'til you make it" for so long. I'm still a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. My divorce may have given me some doubt about myself, I struggled with some depression and anxiety but I still knew my self worth and that I was smart. I just want to encourage any out there that may struggle with getting out of their comfort zone because of fear or those that are living paycheck to paycheck because we all know there are still many that absolutely hate what they do for a living yet need that paycheck to either support themselves or their family to just press forward and do the best that you can. Most employers don't care about what you may be going through in life, maybe they don't have compassion for you, they just need you to be present and happy at ALL times no matter what. No excuses and that's that. I don't know about you but I have zero tolerance for a Boss that I cannot go and comfortably talk to about ANYTHING. It's like being in prison. You're confined. Can't move. Can't talk much. You're heard but not REALLY heard. You gotta tell the Boss what they wanna hear. Only in a perfect world. No thanks, office life..... It's not for me. So. Here is to a new journey in doing what I truly love the most. I've taken away so much from working in this kind of environment, and I will be able to apply some of it to my future endeavors but to sit at a desk all day, for the rest of my life? I felt lazy. You cannot be lazy in life. You have to give everything your all. Like Ron Swanson says, "Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing." Oh, and here's to getting back into shape again from all that sitting.

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